Pencil Parable

One of my favorite memories of going back to

school was getting that brand new box of twelve

yellow #2 pencils. I loved the smell of the pencils,

the clean smooth exteriors and the promise of the

yet unsharpened pencil.

Yeah, I probably was a bit of a nerd back then, but

even today, I love a brand new yellow #2 pencil!

So I thought I’d share one of my favorite pencil

stories with you.

The Pencil Parable

The pencil maker took the pencil aside, just before

putting it in the box.

There are five things you need to know, he told the

pencil, before I send you out into the world. Always

remember them, never forget, and you will become the

best pencil you could possibly be.

First: You will be able to do many great things, but only

if you allow yourself to be held in someone’s hand.

Second: You will experience a painful sharpening from

time to time, but you’ll need it to become a better pencil.

Third: You will be able to correct any mistake you might

make.

Fourth: The most important part of you will always be

what is inside you.

Fifth: On every surface you are used on, you must leave

your mark. No matter what the condition, you must

continue to write.

The pencil understood and promised to remember, then

went into the box with purpose in its heart.

The first pencil promise: You will be able to do many

great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in

someone’s hand.

Over the course of time, pencils have been the beginning

strokes of great paintings, majestic buildings, beautiful

bridges, moving poetry, plays and stories. And they have

also been the beginnings of just as magical lunch box

notes, children’s treasured drawings, and hand written

love letters.

Just as when famous people put their pencils to paper,

and brought into our world the talents given them by

their creator, when we put our pencils to paper, our lives

to the world, we also bring the unconditional love given

to us by our creator whose hand we are held in.

In addiction, when we were held in the hand of our

diseases’ behaviors or substances we thought we had

control in our hands, we were really bringing pain and

shame into our worlds

In steps 1,2,and 3, like Rule 1 in the parable, we are

reminded that in the hands of God, we will be able to do

many great things. Imagine how your days might be if

you consciously believed you were held in God’s hand.

Imagine the things you would do, the things you would

say, the people you would touch!

The second pencil promise You will experience a painful

sharpening from time to time, but you’ll need it to

become a better pencil. talks about experiencing painful

sharpenings or awarenesses. The outside wood of the

pencil is simply the container. If the outside doesn’t get

sharpened away now and then, the core of the pencil will

be hidden and useless, it simply cannot write.

Many women have been conditioned from the time they

were little girls, to put so much focus, time and money

on their appearance; their bodies, clothes, homes, jobs,

their children’s activities, that when those things are

taken away in later life they feel lost, useless. If my core

is not creating messages of love, or if my core is being

squandered on everything outside of me, then eventual

and necessary sharpenings will be extremely painful

because they will be accompanied by resentments,

regrets, disappointments.

Our program encourages us to accept eventual

sharpenings with humility so we can become a better

person/pencil. These sharpenings might come in the

form of forgiveness, difficult amends, acceptance or

letting go. And even when we have been living clean,

sober, and serene, daily living uses up our exposed core

so we need to seek sharpening. These sharpenings might

look like, going on a retreat or leaving a place or learning

a new skill. As I age, sharpenings look like saying no to

some requests for my time because I’m feeling tired and

used up.

Without sharpenings, the pencil core would not be

visible and writing with the outside would be ineffective,

scratching the surface of everything with mistakes,

grumbling or complaining.

Have you been writing with no core?_______________

Have you been focusing on the outside of your pencil so

much that the real you is not being experienced?_____

Are you resisting sharpenings?____________________

Are you feeling depressed, useless, unappreciated?___

Sharpenings are just a natural part of the pencil’s growth.

What if we stopped fearing them, stopped blaming

someone for them, stopped complaining about them?

What if we, instead, trusted the process, were grateful

for all that went before and believed in the promise that

we will soon be writing again from our core, because that

is who we truly are.

The third pencil promise: you will be able to correct any

mistakes you might make. Notice it says “correct” not

make the mistake disappear! I need to remember that

sometimes the only correction I can make is an apology

and amend, and there are consequences of my words

and actions that might remain long after I admitted my

mistake. Some of us have made mistakes that seem

impossible to erase. In those times can you change the

focus from what is impossible to change, and put the

focus on I’m possible. I can change the behaviors that

contributed to my mistakes. I can teach my children that

even if we can’t fully erase a mistake, we can live in the

possibility of becoming a better person as a result of it.

What part of your life needs you to create a space in the

word impossible so you can leave mistakes where they

are and find possibility in who you are._____________

How do you erase mistakes? Do you do it thoughtfully,

carefully preserving the good parts or rough and angry,

ruining everything around the mistake?

Where have you been making the same mistake over

and over without regard for the paper? ____________

Who is the person who is getting worn down by your

repeated mistakes? ___________________________

If you can’t be the pencil to write your or someone else’s

happiness, then can you be a gentle eraser to lighten

their sadness?

Sometimes the eraser isn’t just for my mistakes,

sometimes I can use it to help others with their mistakes.

Who needs your gentle easing forgiveness? _________

Or maybe it’s you who needs to stop trying to erase

something and accept it’s reality.

The fourth pencil promise: The most important part of

you will always be what’s inside. The graphite in the

core of the pencil is mixed with clay to make it harder or

softer. The harder the core, the lighter the mark left on

the paper will be. The softer the core, the darker the

mark it leaves on the paper, the faster it dulls and thus

requires more frequent sharpening.

For most of my life, I thought being soft was a virtue,

codependence was helpful and being controlling in an

“oh so saintly” way was good parenting. But like the

pencil with a soft core, I wore out really fast, made a lot

of blurry lines and frequently needed sharpening and

repair. Today I understand that the core of me needs to

be strong in my truth. It needs to be strong in the

qualities I want to have rather than what someone else

thinks. My core is strong and hard when it thinks

creatively, works for justice, is generous from love, is

compassionate not codependent, when it listens as much

as it speaks.

Each day I pray for the strength to hold fast to the truth

in my core but hold lightly the need for anyone’s

approval.

Each day I pray for the wisdom to understand where a

soft core can be useful without being so soft that it

smears and blurs its lines.

The core is protected by the wood exterior of the pencil.

Sometimes in life, the wood exterior takes a beating. If

you leave a pencil where the dog has chewed it, you

might not want to write with it! If you leave it in water, it

will warp, expand and break.

If you leave it in baking sun too long, it will dry out and

become brittle and splinter.

When you look at other pencils/people, can you

appreciate the core inside regardless of the exterior?

When you look at yourself, can you appreciate the core

inside regardless of the exterior? _________________

Some friends and I were laughing at how our exterior is

not smooth anymore, how we seem to get shorter as we

age. But the texture and size of my pencil, or my body,

does not determine its usefulness. The core is as useful

at the top of the pencil as it was at the bottom of a new

pencil, as useful near the end of life as it was in the

beginning. I might not be able to draw as much as I used

to, but each day I can still write a love letter from God,

my core, to the world I am living in.

The fifth pencil promise; On every surface you are used,

you must leave your mark. No matter what the

condition, you must continue to write. The first few

words of the promise say “on every surface you are

used”. Some surfaces, some people, some places are

easy for us to leave a mark. But what about those other

places and people? The contentious people, the scary

places, the unfamiliar places, the boring places?

Do you resent those places and people? ____________

Do you avoid those places and people? _____________

What are your reasons for not wanting to be used in

those places and with those people? This part of the

parable does not mean we have to give ourselves to

everyone and to everything. It might mean that when we

find ourselves in a place, we search our core to discern if

it is a place we are supposed to be, if it is a place that is

aligned with our values, our beliefs and our core truths.

The next part says, “you must leave your mark”. It

doesn’t say you have to change the person or place.

Maybe it will simply be wishing them peace as you go.

Nor does it say you must leave a Nobel Prize worthy

mark. Sometimes a simple hello, a simple good deed

changes a person in ways we will never know. Doing

those simple things that are “so you” are the marks you

leave.

Finally, it says “no matter what the condition, you must

continue to write”. I sometimes put too much pressure

on myself to do things perfectly, and sometimes I avoid

places if I don’t think I can match up to others abilities.

Do conditions have to be perfect for you? __________

Do you have to be perfect for the conditions? ______

All my life I have avoided sport activities, because I am

not good at them. But by avoiding them I have deprived

myself and others of the fun of play. I wasn’t willing to

leave marks of humility, of laughter, of support because

the conditions weren’t “comfortable for me.” I’m

learning that God will not invite me into conditions

where God will not be there with me.

This fifth promise really speaks to me now. For years, I

have talked about writing a book and creating a website

but fear, insecurity and taking care of everyone got in the

way. Now I am retired, so I have time. Now I am older

and realize others are often just as insecure or fearful as I

am. When I was younger, my pencil marks were ones of

service, parenting, of helping others. Today my pencil

marks are ones of appreciation and gratitude, ones of

sharing what I have learned and finding the courage to

do whatever else God is holding me in his hand for.

What will you do/write with this wonderful life of

yours?