Snowman

Six weeks ago, I moved back to NY and am now living in an apartment in my

daughter’s house. As I was hanging my mother’s crocheted snowflakes on the

Christmas tree, I noticed how each one of them, though all made by my mother,

were different in some small way. I noticed how over the years they had changed,

yellowed, lost their original starch, and even unraveled a little, how they had been

on so many trees in so many different places and yet were still treasured.

And I thought about myself. I, who had loved living alone for three years and had

settled into peaceful routines, is now being swirled around by the winds of

change and all kinds of questions are coming up.

Did I make a mistake in moving?

Can I be me in close proximity to others?

What are the boundaries? Who sets them?

Can I accept comments and opinions without getting hurt or angry?

I didn’t like those questions and the feelings they brought up so I stopped

decorating and just sat with the questions and a snowflake in my hand and did

what I have learned to do: Give them to my Higher Power.

I trust not that the questions are gone, but that God will lead me to peaceful

answers in time.

Remember Step 10?

Each evening I am asking my HP to use the warmth of divine grace to soften and

melt any hard or uncomfortable feelings that might be attached to my questions

about change from that day.

Remember step 3?

Each morning I am using step 3 to help me turn my life over into the

unconditional love and wisdom of my HP.

And thus was born the topic for this years Holiday Evening with our Higher Power.

SNOWFLAKES

Snowflakes have their start in clouds.

A single particle of dust or pollen floating in a cloud provides the solid surface

where the snowflake starts. Water vapor in the cloud then sticks to the particle

condensing onto it’s surface and turning into an ice crystal.

As more water vapor freezes on to the primary ice crystal it begins to descend,

building new crystals as it goes and starting the form of a snowflake.

Water molecules are shaped like a V, so when they align and freeze together, a

hexagon shape forms….ie a snowflake.

After that several factors like temperature, air currents and especially humidity

affect a snowflakes form and shape.

When humidity is low, the crystals grow slowly and simple shapes are created.

When humidity is high, the crystals grow rapidly and become more complex in

shape and size.

Dirt and dust particles can get mixed up in the water vapor making the snowflake

heavier, sometimes causing cracks and breaks in the crystals, making it easier to

melt.

Snowflake formation is a dynamic process always changing the snowflake.

Doesn’t that sound a lot like the course of our human lives?

We are all made from the same matter. And then we all have different situations

and conditions that make us unique.

Sometimes we encounter dirt and dust that weigh us down, cause us to crack and

even melt prematurely.

It’s ironic that when we look at a snowflake we rarely think it’s not perfect, rarely

think of its treacherous journey, because it’s fragility and small size are so

beautiful, so unique. And we don’t look at it as just one useless snowflake, we see

it as part of the bigger miracle, the joy, the wonder, the beauty of snow.

When you look at yourself or the people around you, do you see them as small,

imperfect, easily forgotten?

Do you see the trials that formed them as problems or as part of their process?

Can you trust that they are a part of God’s bigger miracle, even if looking at

them in the present, you don’t see it?

The snowflake reminds me to see the person as they are today, not in all their

previous faults and mistakes but instead filled with the light of grace.

So, if snowflake formation is a process always changing the snowflake, couldn’t

the difficult person in your life’s formation also be part of changing them?

Like a snowflake, we each have travelled a treacherous journey in our life.

If I can see a snowflake not as useless but as part of the bigger miracle of life,

then can I also see my self and others as surviving our mistakes and finding our

way to peace?

Snow isn’t really white

It’s actually translucent or clear. meaning that since it is made of ice crystals, light

can pass through.

As snow falls through the atmosphere and lands on the ground, light reflects off

the surface of the ice crystals. Some of that light is scattered back out equally in

all the spectral colors and since white light is made up of all colors in the visible

spectrum our eyes perceive white snowflakes.

I too am translucent. Today I understand it is ok to be translucent because the

light passing through me is no longer the deception of addiction, it is the divine

light of my higher power.

And the color that people see in me is only a reflection of all the colors of my God.

Will you let go of the color you think you are, so ALL the colors of your God can

shine through?

With snow, when the sun is shining brightly on it, it will look especially brilliantly

white.

When I take myself out of the shadows and place myself in the light of my HP, and

allow God to do the illuminating, I too will brilliantly shine bringing all the colors

in the spectrum to my world.

Now there is much in us that can block that translucence,

that clarity.

How clear are your attitudes?

How clear is your conscience?

How clear are your emotions?

How clear are your words?

Do you try to make it look clear and honest on the outside but have hidden

agendas?

Is your humility based upon the truth of who you are or a dysfunctional way of

getting attention?

Do you let God shine brightly through you?

Each snowflake follows a unique path to the ground because of the

circumstances it encounters on its way.

And so do we.

One of the advantages to getting older, is that I no longer can, need or want to be

just like everyone else.

My path does not have to be perfect.

My path does not have to be approved of.

My unique snowflake started in the dust of dysfunction and picked up a lot more

dust on the way. Until program showed me that, on the loving unconditional

breath of my Higher Power, I could find a less dusty road.

Now the appearance of my snowflake today is not perfect. It’s more like one of

those big flakes, with less distinct points, heavy with the experiences of my

journey

and yet still part of the miracle of life.

The snowflake reminds me to embrace all my dimensions as they are in this

moment

Today I look less at what has happened to me and more at how I can use those

experiences to help others and then filled with the light of grace, bring peace to

my world.

How do you feel about your unique path?

Can you see how it has all been part of a divine pattern

that has brought you to this moment?

Snow is quiet.

Have you ever noticed how peaceful the world seems after a good snowfall? How

an actual kind of hush falls over the ground when it snows?

The reason why it is quiet when snow is falling heavily is because snow is porous.

The six sided snowflake is filled with open spaces. Those open spaces absorb

sound waves creating a quieting effect over a blanket of snow.

Do you have open vulnerable spaces or are you packed tight and closed to

everything?

Closing ourselves, packing everything tightly in ourselves, doesn’t create a

quieting effect in our worlds.

It actually makes others uncomfortable and raises sounds of fear and discord.

I tried for years to not be vulnerable and all it did was close me off to others.

The snowflake reminds me that when someone says something that makes me

uncomfortable, I can, like a snowflake, let their words pass through my open

vulnerable spaces so God’s loving grace can have a quieting effect on me

Now not all snowfalls are equal when it comes to silencing the world outside. A

dusting won’t do much. However, a few inches of freshly fallen, light and fluffy

snow will have a noticeable effect.

A dusting of acceptance, now and then, won’t do much to ease the discomfort of

change in my life. But a daily practice of acceptance will. What do you need to

accept? Do you have a practice that reminds you to accept that person or

thing?

Wet heavy snow doesn’t leave spaces for sound to be trapped so the sound

bounces back.

If my heart is filled with wet heavy snow from regret or resentment, the sounds I

create are not likely to bring me peace. They will bounce back and then, not just

myself, but others around me will lose peace

As snow melts, it loses its silencing ability because the snowflakes change shape

as they melt, reducing the size of the spaces between the crystals. As

temperatures fluctuate in winter, newly fallen snow will melt and freeze. One that

happens, it actually amplifies nearby sounds because ice reflects sound waves

rather than absorb them

Melting and freezing, melting and freezing is like bringing up the past over and

over again, the original problem noise will be amplified, and we are weakened.

What are you bringing up repeatedly creating a slippery danger to your mental,

emotional and spiritual health?

Snow decorates our bare and colorless winter world with a blanket of sparkling

crystal snowflakes. It helps hide the barren look of winter and softens harsh

sounds.

Next time it snows go out in it. Close your eyes and hear the silence. Listen to

your soul speak in the absence of all our cultural noise and all your internal noise.

The snowflake reminds me to make room for listening.

If I’m in the house with the tv on when it’s snowing, I won’t experience the

spiritual silence waiting for me outside. Are you comfortable listening to silence?

One of the really meaningful things program has taught me is to listen, not just to

the words, but also to the person speaking those words…..to listen to what

someone is saying underneath the preconceived judgements I have of that

person.

Can you listen with openness…without judgement?

Can you listen without interrupting or thinking about how you will respond

when they finish?

Can you make time to listen in the middle of all your business?

Snowflakes also remind us of the preciousness of life in this moment. They teach

us about our approach to time.

So often, time like a snowflake can disappear while we are trying to decide what

to do with it

Do you appreciate the time you are given or do you not even register the

preciousness of life?

Is there something you are procrastinating on?

Snowflake teaches me to begin doing what I want to do now. I am not promised

tomorrow or even the next minute. I have only this moment…sparkling like a

snowflake in my hand.

Is there something you need to say to someone?

How many times a day do you stop what you are doing to acknowledge the

preciousness of your life in that moment?

Ever notice that snowflakes don’t fall straight down?

Each delicate and different snowflake swirls around in it’s own way.

What is swirling around you?

What are you swirling around?

The swirling journey of a snowflake is not chaotic, it is incredibly calm and

peaceful

What is your journey like?

Because each snowflake is unique it takes a unique path to the ground, and on

the average it takes an individual snowflake about an hour to reach the ground.

Hundreds of them are falling but not one in the same path or timeframe as

another.

The snowflake reminds me to stop comparing my path and my timeline with

anyone else’s.

It reminds me to appreciate what I am doing and where I am going in each

moment.

There is a Zen proverb that says “A snowflake never falls in the wrong place.”

What might seem like the wrong place to my human eye, might be exactly the

right place in my Higher Power’s vision.

The “wrong place” is a limiting term…a judgement term.

Gods places are never limiting or judgemental

Are you making them limiting or judgemental?

Snowflakes…..so delicate, so fragile, so ethereal, but when they stick together,

they can screw up an entire city!

I choose to see the sticking together of snowflakes, the sticking together of

people in community as a good thing.

Our world has enough doom and gloom in it, I will not see a snowflake as the start

of that negativity

For those of you who have known me for years, that’s a big change. I remember

how I used to look out the window at work and immediately freak out because I

had to drive in it!

Instead of complaining about things or feeling helpless in the face of them, I want

to remember the snowflake.

One snowflake might not be able to do much, but many snowflakes together can

change the world.

We know how our 12 step community has helped us to become free, helped us to

change the ways we relate to people, helped us find peace.

Our step 12 asks us to carry this message to others and practice the principles in

all our affairs.

And it all began with step 1.

Just like the snowflake we all may be small in comparison to the rest of the world,

we might have thought “what could I do that is important enough to make a

difference?”

But like the snowflake, we all have something unique to add to the world that no

one else has or does.

We all have unique talents and abilities, just waiting to sparkle, shine and dance in

Gods sunlight, like snowflakes do as they flutter from the sky.

Like snowflakes, we can blanket the harshness around us with calm.

Like snowflakes, we can create a sense of wonder and peace.

And like snowflakes, when we join together, we can help change the world.

We can ease the pain of lonliness.

We can use love not anger towards others.

We can create an avalanche of calm…joy…delicacy…transformation…peace…love

generosity…understanding…kindness

So next time it snows, you have two choices

Immediately shovel it, sand it, salt it, or make snow angels and delight in it.